Greater Discipline

I have a confession to make.  I am struggling mightily with obedience.  If you look back in my blog, you'll see that I lost almost 100 pounds by focusing on obedience instead of dieting. It was an awesome, life-changing time.  But for the last four months, I have struggled.  And I have to say it out loud...I've gained back over 10 pounds since July!  I've been great at exercising but I have not been able to get my eating squared away again.

It's not because God has abandoned me in this journey.  Oh no.  He has been speaking to me loud and clear.  But I have been purposely and willfully ignoring him.  I say every day that this is the day that I am going to get it right.  And then my morning gets stressful.  My sweet tooth kicks in.  There is work on my desk that I want to avoid.  So off to the candy jar I go.  Again.

And speaking of work, that's another place that where I'm struggling.  I have been given a tremendous opportunity to lead a large team on a challenging, interesting project.  But I have trouble staying motivated and tend to waste a lot of time.  Then I rush to make a deadline, putting out work that is not the best it could be.

So what's the deal?  Why can't I be obedient to what I know I am supposed to do??  I found a key in Greater by Steven Furtick this week.

At the end of Chapter 2, he said, "...obedience to God's voice is the only definitive path to greater."  He was setting us up to start learning from Elisha in Chapter 3.  When we meet Elisha in 1Kings 19, he's busy plowing his field, doing his work when Elijah comes along, puts the cloak of his calling on Elisha's shoulders and invites him into the greatest adventure of his life.  Elisha was not doing anything cool or exciting.  He was doing the same work that he did everyday.  And Pastor Furtick says:

Doing the same stuff over and over again is a good thing in many instances. Routine is a vital and biblical component of our relationship with God. It's also the key to maintaining a marriage, holding down a job, staying in shape, and achieving many other desirable goals.  That's not the kind of repetition we need to be rescued from - it's the kind of discipline we should embrace.

Lightbulbs and fireworks!!  Discipline! Obedience is the attitude of the heart that is the consistent with God's character, but discipline is the action that makes it happen.  I've been frustrated by my inability to be obedient when it's really discipline that I am missing.

Proverbs has a lot to say about discipline. 

The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him, the cords of his sin hold him fast.  He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.  Prov. 5:22-23 (NIV)

God has put me in a position to do great things.  I have been able to use my weight loss journey to inspire and minister to others.  At work, I'm an example of how you can get ahead using Biblical principles of leadership, without clawing and back-stabbing and stepping on people.  But if I lack discipline, my accomplishments will die.  My witness will die. My dreams will die.

What if Elisha had not been disciplined?  What if he had been off surfing the internet, or making his second Starbucks run of the day when Elijah came looking for him? He may have missed out on his calling.  Discipline puts me in the place I need to be to hear from God.

But HOW??  How do I live a disciplined life?  Well, Paul has the answer to that one.

For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing...What a wretched man I am!  Who will rescue me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord! Rom. 7:19, 24-25 (NIV)

Through Jesus.  Jesus in Me. That's the only way that I'll step away from the M&M jar and knock things off my to-do list and be obedient to what He's called me to do.  Being disciplined is Greater living for me. I find it funny that in a book all about breaking out of the routine and living a Greater life, the lesson I learned is about being disciplined and staying in my routine.  God just cracks me up sometimes!

My Rose-Colored Glasses Were Shattered!

So…this blog has been ignored and dormant for quite some time.  Off and on, I’ve thought about writing, even had some pretty profound thoughts worthy of sharing.  But I never really felt God leading me to take the time to do this.  Until now.  Until Greater.

You see, I’m studying the book Greater by Pastor Steven Furtick with Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Studies.  So far, I’ve only read Chapter 1.  There are some mind-blowing points in there about starting small, starting with what you have, being Greater WITH Jesus,  not Greater THAN Jesus. Really good stuff.  But not what inspired me to write.

We had our first conference call, with Pastor Steven encouraging us.  He said that if we were at the point of desperation, despondence, despair and all those other “d” words, we were right where God wanted us….humbled, ready to move forward.  He told us that living Greater does not always mean changing something or starting something new.  Sometimes it means staying put and sticking it out with a new passion and God’s perspective.  Melissa was on fire in her message to us, reminding us that the Jesus in me is the same Jesus who performed all those cool miracles…..the very same one who healed people and changed lives is in me!  How awesome is that?!?!  But again, not what inspired me to write.

The inspiration came Tuesday morning, when I saw all of the comments on Melissa’s blog.  Woman after precious woman saying that she felt “adrift”, no purpose, at a cross-roads, going through transition….a husband who left, laid off from a job, children grown and left the nest, and not sure what to do next.  It broke my heart. Call me naïve, call me Pollyanna, and yes, I do have my very own pair of rose-colored glasses.  But I had no idea that so many women were walking in such defeat. 

Then I remembered that I was close to being on that same path myself.  This past summer, my own daughter got married. My son started his senior year of high school and will soon be out of the nest.  I didn’t know it, but I was facing a major crisis of identity and transition. That’s when God led me to Melissa’s Online Bible Studies.  With an increased travel load at work and the huge demands of planning the wedding of the century, I could not commit to our women’s Bible study at church, so I signed up for the OBS of Glynnis Whitwer’s book I Used to Be So Organized.  I thought that was just what I needed…my house needed some de-cluttering and I thought this would be the ticket to neatly labeled containers and stylish baskets elegantly bringing order to my mess, with a few breezy spiritual lessons thrown in.

But sisters, it was oh so much more.  The first several chapters are around understanding why we are chronically disorganized, why we have no time or ability to get our lives under control and how we need to set priorities.  It was right there in Chapter 6 Establishing Priorities that God brought a new vision to my life that I didn’t even know I needed!  Glynnis has five questions that she asks to set priorities, and she presented it in the context of being able to weed out non-priorities in your schedule to make more time for your priorities.  But God used the exercise as a vehicle to establish a framework as I faced this transitional time in my life.  It was eye-opening.  Horizon-expanding.  Inspiring.  Humbling. 

You can find more details on Glynnis’s five questions in her book, or on her blog by searching for the word “priorities” in her archives.  Check out the Oct. 10, 2012 and Jan. 13, 2012 posts (I’m not techy enough to figure out how to link directly to the posts!)  But if you are one of those women who is stuck in one of the “d’s” and craving for God to do Greater things with you, ask yourself these questions and see if they don’t help set you in the right direction:

1. What can only I do?
2. What has God entrusted to me?
3. Am I a good steward of what I already have?
4. What passion has God put in my heart?
5. What has God asked me to do that I haven’t done yet?

God does have Greater plans for us than we ever could dream for ourselves. But just having a head knowledge or even a heart knowledge of that only leads to frustration.  We know there is something better out there but we don’t know what it is or how to get to it.  The five questions gave me the clarity of a framework…a direction to head. The Greater life that God laid out for me includes more time spent on my relationship with my husband, taking better care of the resources He has given me and moving from old areas of ministry to new ones.  The following OBS of  Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst gave me the confidence to fully trust that God has prepared this path for me in advance and uniquely equipped me to walk in it. And I’m praying that Greater gives me the courage to be obedient to the vision that God gave me. The one He gave when I didn’t even know I needed one.  Amazing. Grace.

If you are facing a cross-roads or a transition and think that kind of framework would help you, leave a comment and I will give away a copy of  I Used to Be So Organized to one commenter!

Way Past Time for an Update!

Whoa...I can't believe it's been so long since I updated the blog!  Not that a whole lot of people are reading or anything, but still.....

Anyway, since I last updated in March, I have been to Chicago four times and Los Angeles for work, four days in New York City with my mom and daughter for a girls weekend, and a week in Puerto Rico on a mission trip.  It's been crazy busy!  And a recipe for a diet disaster.  But thankfully, I'm not on a diet :) 

Over the last four months, I have radically changed the way I eat. I've made little changes every two or three weeks and have gradually cut out red meat, refined sugar and white flour, pasta, potatoes and most most cheese. Considering that my favorite meal used to be a big juicy steak with a baked potato loaded with sour cream and cheese, that's a big deal!  And I really should say "avoid" instead of "cut out".  I'm not militant about it...if I am at an event and they are serving hamburgers, I eat a hamburger.  If I am at a restaurant, I make the best choice I can without being "that" person who sends a list of special requests back to the kitchen.  I'm also using a lot of almond milk in place of dairy milk, almond butter, agave nector instead of sugar, brown rice pasta....my cupboard looks like a Whole Foods store!  I never would have believed it.  And I think this is really sustainable.

As far as exercise is concerned, I'm still just riding my exercise bike and doing a little bit of upper body strength work.  But I think it's time to turn it up a small notch so I have an appointment with a personal trainer tomorrow for the first time and I'll start going to the gym maybe once a week.  I just don't have time to go three or four times a week.

Results, you ask?  Well, yea!  I've lost about 65 pounds!  I'm only 17 pounds from my Thanksgiving goal!  So the "obey" is going well!

"Read" has been a little slow.  I've read some great books....some good Elizabeth Chadwich historical fiction and I've started the Bowers Files series by Steven James in Christian Fiction.  I also finally broke down and bought a Kindle. With all of the traveling I have been doing, it was nice not to lug around two or three books everywhere.

And for "Love", I had a great time with my daughter on our mission trip to Puerto Rico. God just blessed the week and I was thankful to experience that with her.  Now we are on to serious planning for her wedding next summer.  My son is still his own little animal...I didn't understand teenage boys when I was a teenager and I don't understand them any better now!  He's working his first summer job so it's fun watching him learn to handle the responsibility that comes with the money.

It's a beautiful day and a beautiful time in my life.  I'm so thankful for the friends who have encouraged, supported and held me accountable during this time!

The Secret History of the Pink Carnation by Lauren Willig

If I had to describe my perfect book, it would have these characteristics:

• A historical setting involving real historical figures with accurate detail
• A strong romance storyline
• Humor - both in dialog and circumstance
• A bit of mystery

 

This book has all of that, so why isn't it perfect?  I can't quite put my finger on it.  Maybe because it appears to have all of my elements on the surface, but it has too much of some and not enough of others...just not the right balance.

 

Let's start with the historical setting.  Yes, it's set in the past, so that qualifies.  There are some scenes with Napolean and some of his family members, but I'd like to have seen more interaction between them and the characters in the story.  I did love the portrayal of Josephine.  I've never read a book about her, so I need to fix that.

 

The romance storyline was strong, but c'mon....she goes by boat from England to France and without knowing his name or what he looks like, finds herself in the cabin with the exact guy she's looking for?  Really?  And then they are so in love with other but she doesn't recognize his voice when his face is covered with a mask?  I'm all for suspending disbelief...in fact, I love it...but that's just too much even for me.

 

I did enjoy the humor, although it ran a little to the cutesy side. And the mystery wrapped up very neatly.

 

So it was a solid good book that I enjoyed reading, but won't make my list of Top Ten reads at the end of the year.  I won't run out and acquire the next books in the series, but I'll pick them up if I stumble on them.  They would probably be good beach reads.

 

 

What brings value??

So I weighed in this morning and I had lost another six pounds. I should be ecstatic, right??? I mean, I've lost 36 pounds in 13 weeks....averaging three pounds a week for that long is amazing. I crossed over a number that I haven't been able to get past in over three years. On Sunday and Monday, for the first time, people who didn't already know I was working on this told me they could tell I had lost a lot of weight. So it's all good, right???

But the goal for the month was eight pounds. I walked away from the scale dejected. And could already feel the pressure to revert back to my old unhealthy ways of attacking this. "I'm gonna have to start getting up at 4am to get more exercise in...I need to clamp down harder on what I'm eating...maybe I need to start weighing more often." By the time I made it to my chair for my quiet time, I knew I needed a God intervention before I fell completely down the obsessive-compulsive rabbit hole. I prayed for God to speak directly and specifically to me from His Word this morning. I fully expected to find something happy and encouraging..."Press on, keep the faith, I'm okay, you're okay, it's the thought that counts" kinda stuff. Silly me.

My reading this morning was in Colossians 2. First I got the happy: "...I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is. (v. 5)" But then I got the admonishing wake-up call that I needed: "Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence. (v. 20 - 23)"

Wow. I'm so thankful for a God who tells me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. I can treat my body harshly to lose 8 pounds this month. I know I can do that. But that lacks any eternal value. I'm focused on re-training my cravings (sensual indulgences). I'm learning that I will crave whatever I consume, both physically and spiritually. If I eat sweets, I'll crave sweets. If I eat healthy, I'll crave healthly. If I mentally consume the TV ads for ripped abs and online articles for crash diets, I'll crave the daily weigh-ins and punishing workouts. But if I consume God's Word and digest his happy encouragement along with his loving admonitions, I'll crave more of Him. Now THAT is value!

Move it, Move it, Move it!

Let's talk about everybody's favorite subject...EXERCISE!!!  Now believe it or not, I really do like to exercise.  Over the years, I've done a wide range of things, including running, walking, Gazelle, Tae Bo, aerobics, The Firm, etc.  I think my favorites are running and The Firm.  However, both of those are rough on the knees and I have issues with my left knee being very susceptible to tendonitis of the patella (kneecap).    So I really need to do exercise that doesn't put a lot of pressure on my knees.

At Thanksgiving, my parents gave me their recumbent exercise bike and that's what I have been using.  And I love it! 

Because I enjoy exercising, I tend to push too hard, over do and get injured.  A couple of times, I've also hit that wall where I'm building muscle and not losing pounds.  I don't want to get to either of those places this time, so here's the program I devised for myself (again...without any professional knowledge or training, other than what I've learned about my body over the years).

I have to do my main work out in the mornings.  The evenings are just too crazy to count on being consistent.  So I get up at 4:30 every morning, read my Bible and pray, then start my workout.

For the first ten weeks, the focus was totally on cardio and burning calories.  I started at 30 minutes on the exercise bike at very low tension then increased the time by one minute and the tension every week, aiming for 5 - 6 times per week.  By the time I hit 40 minutes, the tension was so high that I was starting to get some pain in my knee.  So I backed off on the tension a bit to where it is relatively comfortable.

Once I was doing 40 minutes consistently, I started adding a little bit of core strength work....mainly some crunches and push-ups.  That lasted about 2 - 3 weeks....cardio plus a little core.

Last week, I made another little change, adding some upper body strength work with weights.  On Mon, Wed and Fri, I do my regular 40 minute ride, leaving the tension where it is, but pushing myself to ride a little harder and increase the calories burned a little each day.  On Tues, Thurs and Sat, I do a 30 minute, low-intensity ride and I do some strength work on my arms with a weight while I am riding.  I am definitely starting to feel the muscle in my arms and upper body!  I also so some crunches and pushups on those days.

My strength work has been mostly focused on my upper body because I am also doing some stretches and quad-setting exercises to strengthen my knee.  I'm hoping that by taking it very gradually and doing all I can to build up the knee and losing another 15 pounds or so, I will be able to start doing some lower body strength work in another six weeks.  I'd love to start doing some of my Firm workouts again and maybe even start running eventually.

I hope that I am avoiding a plateau by changing things gradually and adding something every few weeks. Just when my body "adjusts" to the level of exercise I'm doing, I add on and give my metabolism a push start.

So that's what I'm doing for my main workout every morning.  In addition to that, I'm doing a lot of little things to add more movement and calorie burning to my day.  At least two or three nights a week, I hop on the exercise bike and ride at a low intensity level while I am watching American Idol or reading.  Since it is a recumbent bike, I can just sit back and relax while I'm pedaling! I try to burn about 150 calories during each of those sessions.

Now this part might sound crazy, but I also do a lot of pacing and walking in place.  I always walk the floors when I'm talking on the phone (this drives my husband crazy!).  When I fold clothes, I walk each piece to where it goes then come back to the pile for the next piece.  This might mean that it takes me 20 minutes to put away a load instead of 10 minutes, but that's 20 minutes of exercise that I would not have gotten, so it's worth it.  I march in place or "step-touch" side to side while I'm doing the dishes, in the shower (careful not to slip!), brushing my teeth, drying my hair....anytime I'm standing still, I'm not standing still! I might not be burning very many calories by doing this, but every little bit counts and it helps to keep me reminded of and focussed on the task ahead.

We'll see how I'm doing when I have my first-of-the-month weigh-in next Tuesday!

Boundaries

"Boundaries are not restrictive fences meant to keep you from enjoying life, but gifts from a God who cares about your well-being."  Lisa TerKeurst in "Made to Crave"

So my healthly eating plan is not a pre-set list of meals, do's and don't's and rules.  It's a set of prayerfully developed boundaries that will lead me towards my goal and I am free to eat whatever I want within those boundaries. I recognize that the boundaries may need to change as my body changes so I will be paying close attention and adjusting as necessary.

 It's been said that desperation breeds defeat, and I would add that deprivation leads to desperation.  If I feel really deprived, that's when I get grumpy and start justifying bad choices.  A lot of my boundaries are set up to help me make good choices, while not feeling deprived.

 So here are my current boundaries:

Calories:  I am not rigorously counting calories, but after years of dieting off and on, I'm pretty aware of the calorie counts in most of what I eat.  I target around 1200 calories a day...150 - 250 at breakfast, 300 - 400 at lunch, 500 - 600 at dinner and 100 of "other".  I have to push to find ways to incorporate more vegetables into my meals and control my sweet tooth.

Eating Out and Portion Control:  This is huge for me.  Our family eats out a LOT.  It's just the thing we like to do as a family.  We don't hunt, play sports, have a boat or any other expensive hobbies.  We eat out.  Plus I have work meetings over lunch where food is brought in at least once a week and I travel about four or five days out of each month, so I probably eat out 30 - 40% of my meals.  But portions and fat content at restaurants are out of control!  If possible, I always look at a restaurant's menu and nutrition information online and make my selection before I get there. When my plate is served to me, I make a decision right then how much of it I'm going to eat....usually half or less of the meat and vegetables, a quarter or less of the bread or dessert.  I physically move the part I'm not going to eat off of my plate, asking for a to-go box if necessary so I can have the leftovers for another meal, saving money AND calories!   Fortunately, I'm one of those people that sticks with what I know I will like, rather than wanting to sample something different every time I go to a restaurant.  So at the places where I end up going often, I get the same thing all the time, so I really know what I'm getting.

Seconds:   When I am eating at home, it aggravates me to have something really good and then not be able to go back for seconds.  For some reason, that second serving is so much satisfying than the first one!  I usually put my dinner on a bread or salad plate instead of a dinner plate, so my first serving is very small and then go back for a second small serving, guilt-free!

Snacks:  I have to be very careful about snacks.  Once I get started, it is hard for me to stop.  I can measure out one ounce of chips...but then I go back for one more....and one more.  So it's better if I don't start at all.  My office neighbor keeps a candy jar of Hershey's Chocolate Nuggets on her desk. I have contributed bags of dark chocolate to her stash and allow myself ONE nugget every afternoon.  It satisfies my chocolate cravings and since it's on her desk, I'm too embarassed to keep going back for more.  Accountability is a good thing.  Except for today.  It was a stressful afternoon and I had THREE chocolates today!  oops...  I stay away from snacks in the evening if I can, although a couple of times a week, I might have a bowl of no-sugar-added ice cream or a pudding cup.

The Morning Sweet Stop:  I used to stop at Starbucks for a mocha and vanilla scones or Mary Lee Donuts for a glazed cake and chocolate cake donut three or four times a week....after having breakfast at home.   Now I allow myself to stop for a non-fat mocha only on the last work day of the week.  I can also get scones or donuts once during the first week of the month, but between being sick and the bad weather we had last week, I didn't do this for February and didn't really miss it.

Somethings are just so bad for me that they are completely not allowable any more.  I go to a Friends of the Library used book sale the last Saturday morning of every month and I used to treat myself to a cookie from the Subway next door before the sale and an apple fritter from the donut shop across the street after the sale.  Now I just save my weekly Starbucks mocha stop for that morning and be happy with that.  And  here's a true confession...I often (5 - 6 times a month) stopped at Chik-fil-A on the way home from work and got a chicken sandwich with mayo and a cookies-and-cream shake, ate that in the car, then had dinner when I got home.  I don't know why I did it.  I guess I just was stressed out from work, knew I would face more stress when I got home, and just stuffed myself to try to push all that stress away.  Of course, it only made me feel fat and disgusted with myself, but for some reason, I forgot that the next time I got close to that Chik-fil-A. That is just a boundary I cannot cross any more.  I have started listening to Christian audiobooks in the car so that my mind is a bit involved in something uplifting on the way home.  I have started praying when I get in the car that God would help me leave the cares of work at work so I can be prepared to engage with my family in the way they need me to when I get home.

These boundaries are working for me.  I love being able to have whatever my family is having, going out to eat whenever we want to, and passing these healthly habits on to the loved ones around me.